While we’re all locked in our houses, I decided to take the opportunity to spend some time doing two things I love: Writing and arbitrarily ranking things. So that’s what I’m going to do.
Why top 7? Because 1) It’s my website and I get to do what I want 2) 7 is more interesting than 5 but less open-ended than 10 and 3) Subtle tribute to the greatest, John Elway (but that’s another list for another day).
I’ve got a few ideas for topics lined up, but if you have one you’d like to debate be sure to drop me a message.
– Nothing that can only be found in a small region. For example, the large majority of the country has no idea what a Bojangles is, so they don’t count.
– I have to have tried it. Yes, it makes the list incredibly subjective. But I can’t rank it if I haven’t eaten it.
– It has to have a drive-thru in a typical location. Places like Five Guys, Chipotle, and Shake Shack get bumped up to “fast casual” and therefore don’t count here.
And now, for the list…
7. Dairy Queen Blizzard
You can get this kind of thing plenty of places. Soft serve whipped up with some sundae toppings is a pretty basic idea. Dairy Queen just does it way better than everybody else.
6. Chick-fil-a Peach Shake
If summer had an official taste, it may very well be this shake.
5. Taco Bell Cheesy Gordita Crunch
Taco Bell is a magical place with a wonderfully inexpensive array of options. The only problem is, almost all of those options are just a rearranging of 3 ingredients. Of those, the Cheesy Gordita Crunch is by far the best permutation of the tortilla, meat, and cheese. The spicy ranch sauce puts it over the top.
4. Chick-fil-a Nuggets
Perfectly juicy chicken. Perfectly breaded. Perfect for dipping in their delicious sauces. Simple as that.
3. Popeye’s Spicy Chicken Sandwich
Was it worth the kind of hype that created lines 20 cars deep at 9:55 at night and drove it out of stock for 3 months? Well, no. But it was pretty close. It has the crispiness that Chick-fil-a has always lacked, plus a fantastic spicy sauce and the best pickles in the business. The bun is pretty great too.
2. In-N-Out Double-Double burger (Animal Style)
Plenty of people think In-N-Out is overrated, but that’s almost certainly because of the hype surrounding it. After years of hearing people talk it up, you expect some extravagant burger. I know I did. What you find instead is a very simple burger. It’s as basic as it gets, just juicier and fresher than the burgers you get everywhere else. Since the cheeseburger is the very best fast food entree of all time, and since they do the most important parts of the cheeseburger better than everybody else, they’ve earned their ranking.
Throw in the extra thousand island-esque spread and the mustard-fried patties of the Animal Style (on the “secret menu”) and you’ve got the best fast food burger in the business.
1. McDonalds French Fries
Like it was ever going to be anything else. It’s exactly what you want out of fast food – salty (but not too salty) and greasy (but not too greasy) with a perfect texture. They will forever reign supreme.
Now, tell me why I’m wrong.